Dizzyspiznersal Drizzaft

As promised, yesterday was the league's dispersal draft. Precisely on schedule at high noon, Nolan Yudek, the league's highly-compensated technology czar, sent around this e-mail ...

DJ Dozier & Friends are on the clock. 5 min McDavies.

... which set off a flurry of draft picks over the next hour and a half that, when all was said and "Dunn" (read on to see how I just totally stole a line from Tom Teatro, owner of Mitro Nitro), the non-keeper teams had, with the exception of The Kurt Bevormos, three players each.

Thanks to the work of Yudek and Geleaux, who kept a running log during the draft, my work is basically done. I'll recreate the log below. Yudek's administrative posts are in red; the picks are in the actual words of the actual owners at the actual time they picked. You can read it from the bottom up ... you know, for suspense ... or just start from the top down and find out the last pick first. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to.

Draft Log

1:24: Adam Dunn is off the board. DISPERSAL DRAFT CONCLUDED.

1:23: Teatro: Dunn and done

1:22: Felix Hernandez is off the board. Teatro is on the clock. 5 min. LAST PICK.

1:21: Rosendowell: King Felix, a.k.a. Felix Hernandez

1:16: Chone Figgins is off the board. Dr. Rosendowell is on the clock. 5 min.

1:16: Octagon: Chone Figgins

1:14: Brad Lidge is off the board. Octagon is on the clock. 5 min.

1:13: Mareeco: Brad Lidge

1:07: Little Italy picks Crazy Los, aka Carlos Zambrano. Mareeco is on the board.

12:58: Victor Martinez is off the board. Little Italy is on the clock. 5 min.

12:57: Rosendowell: V-Mart, aka Victor Martinez.

12:56: Chris Carpenter is off the board. Dr. Rosendowell is on the clock. 5 min.

12:55: McDavies: Carpenter

12:51: Rich Harden is off the board. McDavies is on the clock. 5 min.

12:50: McDavies: Harden

12:45: Jimmy Rollins is off the board. McDavies is on the clock. 5 min.

12:44: Rosendowell: J-Roll, a.k.a. Jimmy Rollins

12:43: Little Italy picks Roy Halladay. Dr. RD is on the clock.

12:41: Little Italy is experiencing technical difficulties. Commissioners are addressing the situation. Little Italy is still on the clock.

12:35: Jose Reyes is off the board. Little Italy is on the clock. 5 min.

12:35: Mareeco: Jose Reyes.

12:31: Carolos Beltran is off the board. Mareeco is on the clock. 5 min.

12:30: Octagon: Carlos Beltran

12:30: Chase Utley is off the board. Octagon is on the clock. 5 min.

12:29: Rosendowell: Utley

12:29: Alfonso Soriano is off the board. Dr. Rosendowell is on the clock. 5 min.

12:28: Teatro: Soriano

12:25: Jason Bay is off the board. Teatro is on the clock. 5 min.

12:24: Teatro: Bay

12:22: Jake Peavy is off the board. Teatro is on the clock. 5 min.

12:22: Bevormo: Peavy

12:17: Bobby Abreu is off the board. Bevormo is on the clock. 5 min.

12:17: Octagon: Bobby Abreu

12:15: Derek Lee is off the board. Octagon is on the clock. 5 min.

12:14: Mareeco: I'm taking D. Lee.

12:14: Little Italy picks Vladamir Guerrero. Mareeco is on the clock.

12:10: Little Italy is experiencing technical difficulties. Commissioners are addressing the situation. Little Italy is still on the clock.

12:04: David Ortiz is off the board. Little Italy is on the clock. 5 min.

12:02: Bevormo: Papi

12:01: Alex Rodriguez is off the board. Bevormo is on the clock. 5 min.

12:01: McDavies: AROD

And that was that. As noted above, it was 1:23 when Teatro sent in his Dunn pick to conclude the draft. Some semblance of reality resumed moments later.