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Near Mid-Season Standings

With about a week to go until the All-Star break it is appropriate to review the league standings as they are currently situated. From The Kurt Bevormos standpoint, things are not pretty. If this was the Premier League the Bevormos would be hanging out on the precipice of relegation, destined to spend next season in some lesser league where they would likely find a way to once again finish in last place.

As Vonnegut once wrote, so it goes.

For other teams, however, the phrase "dream season" comes to mind. O'Flannel's Skillz That Killz team is winning so many categories, he recently petitioned the league to add more categories ... just so he can win them. Geleaux's Operation Shutdown gains 3 points in the standings every time his marquee pitcher, Pedro Martinez, gets bombed. And Tatt Mareeco's Committee has had only marginally less success than his beloved Tigres. Rumors that Mareeco has hired Jim Leyland as Special Consultant to his fantasy team are entirely true.

Here are the current standings:

Standings (points) (categories winning)
1. Skillz That Killz (179) (7)
2. The Committee (150) (5)
3. Operation Shutdown (145.5) (2)
4. ZAGS (144.5) (0)
5. Dr. Rosendowell (143) (2)
6. Mitro Nitro (137.5) (2)
7. July High (132.5) (0)
8. Snakes On A Plane (115.5) (1)
9. Old & Injured (110) (0)
10. The Vipers (104.5) (0)
11. Depend on Dooddy (102.5) (0)
12. The Kurt Bevormos (95.5) (0)

Scott Erickson?

Though the Yankees won yesterday, as usual absolutely none of the praise for the victory can go to the Yanks' starting staff or to their heinous stable of middle relievers. Only Mariano (Tossup62Mets06Royals) showed moxy in shutting down Tatt Mareeco's beloved-now-that-they-are-good Tigres.

A key moment during the Tigers comeback from 6 runs down - and a moment that really highlights the disparity in the two pitching staffs - came in the sixth inning. With one out and A-Rod and Posada coming up, Leyland went to the pen and called on Joel Zumaya (Dr. Rosendowell) who proceeded to throw nasty 91 mph sliders and fastballs reaching up to a hundy to get A-Rod and Posada and stifle a Yankee threat. On the flip side of that coin (and there is always a flip side), in the bottom half of the sixth, with the Shanquis protecting a narrow 2-run lead, Torre went to the pen and called on ... Scott Erickson. Yes, that Scott Erickson. The Scott Erickson who last had a pulse with Baltimore back in '02. Needless to say the Tigres got a run back and eventually tied the game.

Of course, Todd Jones (The Kurt Bevormos) evaporated into thin air last night and gave up a go-ahead bomb to Giambito in the 11th. Then he gave up a few more runs just to really stick it to Tigre fans and all of his fantasy owners. Here was TJ's line: 1.2 IP, 4 H, 5 R, 5 ER, 1 BB, 1 K, 1 bomb, 7 TB, 27.00 ERA, 3.00 WHIP.

Blockbuster ... And I Don't Mean The Da Vinci Code

Last week DJ Dozier & Friends and We B-Low (formerly known as El Capitan Moregan) made the following 8-player exchange:

To Dozier
Vlad Guerrero
Roy Halladay
Joe Nathan

To We B-Low
Jim Edmonds
Juan Pierre
Felix Hernandez
Kevin Millwood
Mariano Rivera

I don't have any analysis for this trade. The Commissioners voted 3-0 (each with no small degree of resignation) to approve the trade.

Week 4 Roundup: Dr. RD Makes Unexpected Move, Skillz Still Comfortably In Lead

Though the end-of-the-week standings may not reflect it, Dr. Rosendowell made a move this week to pull, at least for a time, ahead of The Committee and into second place. A 16 point drop last night, however, has dropped them back to third, albeit with a 13 point cushion over The Octagon.

Team (points)
1. Skillz That Killz (184)
2. The Committee (169.5)
3. Dr. Rosendowell (153)
4. The Octagon (140)
5. ZAGS (137.5)
6. D.J. Dozier & Friends (131)
7. The Kurt Bevormos (125.5)
8. Operation Shutdown (118)
9. Mitro Nitro (118)
10. The Vipers (116)
11. We B-Low (84.5)
12. Old & Injured (83)

Player of the Week: Greg Maddux

Hawpe deserved strong consideration here with his 12 hits, 3 bombs and 22 total bags. Mench, of course, would have been the no-brainer pick had O'Flannel listened to the whispers last Friday night and stuck Mench in his lineup. He did not, however, and thus endeth the lesson. Speaking of pitchers, OP Shutdown's Pedro y Pedro Martinez also deserved consideration with his 2 Ws, 16 Ks and .64 WHIP, but, at the end of the day, none of Maddux's Ws or Ks came at the expense of the Padrinos and I thus like Maddux better than Pedro as a person.

Every-So-Often Beast Report: April 27, 2006

After yesterday's highly successful debut of the Daily Beast Report, it occurred to me that I may have committed myself to more work than I really wanted to commit to. In other words, not unlike how I regularly feel at my day job. So, while sitting at a Met production of La Nozze di Figaro last evening (go easy on me, the Padrinos had the night off, the tickets were free, and I thought it a good chance to earn points with the GF; not to mention that the soprano in the role of the Countess was absolutely sublime), I decided to replace the Daily Beast Report with the Every-So-Often Beast Report. It will have all the trappings of the Daily Beast Report, but without that onerous promise of "daily" entries. After all, it's not like this is a "blog" or something.

Some Beasts From Yesterday

1. Johan Santana (Operation Shutdown) - 8 IP, 10 K, W, 14 Hail Mary's induced from Geleaux for finally pitching well

2. Brad Hawpe (Vipers) - 3 H, 2B, HR, 7 TB

3. Travis Hafner (Vipers) - 4 BB, 3 R

4. Grady Sizemore (Dr. Rosendowell) - 2 H, 2B, 4 R

The Kevin Mench Award For Beasts Who Were Inexplicably Benched

Kris Benson (ZAGS) - 7 IP, 4 K, 3 TB, .86 WHIP, 1 large-breasted wife who still wants to be married to him

The Free Agent With The Mostest

Ben Broussard - 4 H, 2 HR, 8 RBI, 10 TB, 18 million instances of striking fear into the hearts of Red Sox Nation that their new prized pitcher, Josh Beckett, is not immune to getting absolutely throttled on occasion

Daily Beast Report: April 26, 2006

Welcome to a new feature of the blog: The Daily Beast Report. In this feature, we shine a spotlight on a few players who outdid themselves at the plate or on the mound from the previous day's action from around the league. We here at The Files are extremely excited about the feature and think you should be too.

Some Beasts From Yesterday

1. Rafael Soriano (Operation Shutdown) - 1.1 IP, 2 Ks, o Earned Runs, Hold

2. John Lackey (Skillz That Killz) - 8 IP, 8 K (a K per inning!), .75 WHIP, the Win (as if Skillz needed the help)

3. Vernon Wells (The Committee) - 3 hits, 2 bombs, 9 TB (somebody has to pick up the slack now that Chris Shelton has regressed to Shelton-like status)

4. Matt Wise (ZAGS) - 1 IP, 2 Ks, Hold


The Kevin Mench Award For Beasts Who Were Inexplicably Benched

This award goes to players who are not on a team's active roster for the week, but nonetheless are beasts. Today's award goes to two players on Skillz' roster who performed swimmingly despite riding the pine. (We note with plastered-smile irony here that Skillz gained 7 points yesterday despite benching these two beastly perfomers.)

1. Kevin Mench (Skillz) - 2 hits, Garand Salaam, 6th straight day with a bomb, all from Skillz' bench (hence the namesake for the award)

2. Bronson Arroyo (Skillz) - 8 IP, .30 WHIP, 8 K (a K per innning!), Dubya


The Free Agent With The Mostest

This award goes to a player not currently on the roster of any team in the league but, based on his performance from the day, perhaps should be. The innaugural recipient: David Ross, catcher, Cincinnati Reds. The former Bucco and Padrino took Ramon Ortiz yard in the top of the third and caught Arroyo's 8-inning gem. Not bad for a beast.