Every-So-Often Beast Report: April 27, 2006

After yesterday's highly successful debut of the Daily Beast Report, it occurred to me that I may have committed myself to more work than I really wanted to commit to. In other words, not unlike how I regularly feel at my day job. So, while sitting at a Met production of La Nozze di Figaro last evening (go easy on me, the Padrinos had the night off, the tickets were free, and I thought it a good chance to earn points with the GF; not to mention that the soprano in the role of the Countess was absolutely sublime), I decided to replace the Daily Beast Report with the Every-So-Often Beast Report. It will have all the trappings of the Daily Beast Report, but without that onerous promise of "daily" entries. After all, it's not like this is a "blog" or something.

Some Beasts From Yesterday

1. Johan Santana (Operation Shutdown) - 8 IP, 10 K, W, 14 Hail Mary's induced from Geleaux for finally pitching well

2. Brad Hawpe (Vipers) - 3 H, 2B, HR, 7 TB

3. Travis Hafner (Vipers) - 4 BB, 3 R

4. Grady Sizemore (Dr. Rosendowell) - 2 H, 2B, 4 R

The Kevin Mench Award For Beasts Who Were Inexplicably Benched

Kris Benson (ZAGS) - 7 IP, 4 K, 3 TB, .86 WHIP, 1 large-breasted wife who still wants to be married to him

The Free Agent With The Mostest

Ben Broussard - 4 H, 2 HR, 8 RBI, 10 TB, 18 million instances of striking fear into the hearts of Red Sox Nation that their new prized pitcher, Josh Beckett, is not immune to getting absolutely throttled on occasion